When Your Child Finishes Last in a Golf Tournament

Written By Alesha Nicole Corey

What do you say to your child when they practiced, worked hard and gave it their all….and still came in last place?

What I’m learning as a mom whose son has been there more than once.

My son often finishes near the bottom of the leaderboard. Sometimes, he finishes last.

And if I’m being honest, it has become harder to know what to say.

Because he practices. He cares. He walks into a tournament hoping this will be the day things come together. And when they don’t, I’m watching my little boy try to make sense of why his effort didn’t lead to the result he wanted.

I want to encourage him. I want him to feel proud of himself. But when your child keeps coming home disappointed, “keep trying” can start to feel like a very small answer to a very big feeling.

It hurts to see him hurting.

And sometimes, while I’m trying to help him believe in himself, I’m quietly questioning myself.

The questions I don’t put on the scorecard

Have I taken him to enough practice?

Is he getting the right coaching?

Should we be doing something differently?

What are the other kids doing that we aren’t?

How can I better support him?

Those questions come from love. I want to give him what he needs. But I can also feel how easily my concern becomes comparison, and how quickly comparison makes everything feel urgent.

Another lesson. More practice. A different approach. Something to make the next tournament feel better.

I catch myself looking for something to fix because I don’t want to watch him go through this again.

That’s a hard thing to admit as a parent. Sometimes my urge to solve the golf problem is also my urge to escape the feeling of seeing my child sad.

Then I had a realization I’m still learning to hold onto:

Winning every tournament at this age isn’t the goal.

I want to raise a child who can face disappointment, learn from mistakes, and eventually find the courage to try again. A child who can experience failure without deciding that he is a failure.

And honestly? I’m learning how to do that right alongside him.

I have to work on my own reaction, too

I can’t ask my son to put one tournament in perspective while I’m mentally rebuilding his entire golf journey over the results.

That doesn’t mean I stop asking questions about coaching or practice. Those questions have a place. But they don’t all need an answer on the ride home.

Before I jump into what we should change, I’m trying to ask myself:

Does he need help with his golf right now, or does he need his mom?

Sometimes he needs me to sit beside him and let the disappointment be there without immediately trying to move it along.

“You worked hard, and you really wanted a different result. I understand why you’re upset.”

I don’t have to follow that with a speech.

That is difficult for me. Encouraging him feels like my job. But I’m learning that encouragement can begin with letting him feel understood.

Letting him be upset doesn’t mean leaving him stuck there

I want my son to know he can be sad, frustrated, or embarrassed with me. He doesn’t have to pretend a hard round felt good.

I also want to help him learn what to do with those feelings.

That’s part of my job, too.

In the moment, I can keep it simple: get some water, take a breath together, find a quiet spot, or give him a little time before we talk.

If frustration turns into hurtful words, I can hold a boundary without dismissing the feeling:

“I know you’re upset. It’s okay to be upset. It’s not okay to speak to me that way. Let’s take a minute.”

I don’t expect one sentence to change everything. These are skills we’ll need to practice more than once.

There will be days when I’m patient and days when I wish I had handled things differently. I can come back and say, “I moved too quickly into advice. I’m sorry. I want to hear how you felt.”

I’m learning, too. I want him to see that.

I’m giving us something else to notice

The leaderboard makes one part of the day very easy to measure. It doesn’t tell me how much effort it took for him to settle himself after a difficult hole.

Recently, I created an attitude scorecard for him. I told him that was the score I wanted to focus on. When we tried it during practice, he seemed motivated, and I noticed a positive shift.

It gave us a way to pay attention to how he responded, instead of only counting strokes.

I want to be thoughtful about this, though. Having a good attitude cannot mean never getting upset. I don’t want him to feel he has failed twice because he had a hard round and felt sad about it.

What I want to recognize is the effort to recover.

Did he take a breath? Did he accept help? Did he give the next shot a chance?

Those moments deserve to be seen.

One next step is enough

When we’re both ready to talk, I want to get better at choosing one useful next step instead of turning the whole round into a list of things he needs to improve.

“What felt hardest today?”

“What would you like help with before the next tournament?”

His answer can help guide a conversation with his coach. It also gives him a voice in the process.

I want to support his golf without making him feel like a project I’m constantly trying to repair.

And sometimes the next step might be a fun round, a lighter week, or a break from competition. I want him to feel comfortable telling me what he needs, even when it isn’t what I expected to hear.

The positive doesn’t have to happen immediately

I want to help my son turn difficult experiences into something he can learn from. But I’m realizing I don’t have to find the lesson before we leave the parking lot.

Sometimes the positive comes later.

It might be recognizing what frustrated him. Asking for help. Trying a different approach. Discovering that he can have a really disappointing day and still wake up wanting to play again.

I can help create room for those things. I can’t rush him into them.

For now, I’m trying to remember that his childhood is happening during these tournaments, too. I want there to be room for lunch, laughter, friendships, and a conversation on the way home that has absolutely nothing to do with golf.

This is part of my growth as his mom

I would love to see my son look at the leaderboard and light up. Of course I would.

I want that happy moment for him.

But I don’t want to spend so much time waiting for it that I overlook the child standing beside me now—the one who is disappointed, who still has so much to learn, and who needs to know I’m not disappointed in him.

I’m still figuring out how to encourage without adding pressure. How to support without taking over. How to let him struggle while making sure he knows he has someone beside him.

If your child often finishes last, and you’ve found yourself questioning everything you’re doing, I want you to know I’m right there with you.

I don’t have a perfect speech for the ride home.

But I want my son to be able to get in that car, tell me the truth about how he feels, and know that he doesn’t have to make the day better for me.

He’s my little boy before he’s a junior golfer.

I want him to feel that most on the days when golf is hard.

Follow @golfmommindset for honest conversations about raising a junior golfer. If this sounds like your family, share it with another parent who could use a little company in the hard parts.

Written by Alesha Nicole - Golf Mom Mindset

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For more honest conversations and practical resources about raising a junior golfer:

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More Than My Score: A Junior Golfer’s Journey Through Self-Doubt